There isn’t much of this. However, this is where most of the financial know-how and entrepreneurship comes from. That’s right, it’s genetic. As proof, allow me to use a well-known example from all of our childhoods:
When you were a child there were the kids who were like me – lazy. I never tried to mow the lawn for money, I never tried to shovel the driveway for money, hell, I never even tried to sell lemonade.
Then there were the kids who did try to make some money by doing what we normal people call chores. These kids can be split up into two, easily identifiable groups. The first group is not very large and is mainly populated by future accountants and Bill Gates. These were the kids who would trawl the entire neighborhood, subtly insulting and sabotaging all the other kids’ attempts at making money. You know what I’m talking about. The little snot would walk up to the door of a big house that’s at least 12 blocks away from where he lived and when the well-to-do-but-elderly-and-infirm-silver-haired-lady opened the door, he would almost bow.
“Good morning, Mrs. Liverspleen! I see that your lawn/walk is covered in grass/snow. Now, either, “he would continue, half-sniggering in a way that would seem obscene and possibly illegal if he was any older, or Mrs. Liverspleen any younger, “either you were kind enough to allow little Joel Hiccupschmit to mow/shovel your lawn/walk, or nobody has been kind enough to offer to do so. Please, allow me to take care of it for you.”
Of course, Mrs. Liverspleen would let him and he would do a fabulous job, since that’s the kind of job a kid like that does, and Mrs. Liverspleen would never even think of letting a bright, talented and darling young man like that do such a fabulous job without some sort of compensation. You or I would get lemonade and speech about her childhood, but this little snot ends up making $17.50 an hour. And a shot of whiskey.
Of course, should poor little Joel Hiccupschmit ever come knocking to try and do a few chores, he’ll be chased away (albeit, at a slow speed) with a broom.
However, there is another group. This group is populated by poor, little Joel Hiccupschmit, and by Rex Luzer, and many, many other kids. This is the group that sucks. They don’t mean to, but they do. It shouldn’t even reflect badly on them. They have wonderful intentions; they try their hardest. They just end up half done and something horrible happens. Like the electric lawnmower’s cord gets unplugged and they think it’s out of gas so they try refilling it, and the owner of the house sees the loose cord and plugs it back in and the poor sod ends up sending curse words via smoke signals that are visible from outer space.
Or they do a superb job shoveling the walk, and then the tree that overhangs the walk spontaneously combusts and the melted ice lands on the walk which, being cold, immediately freezes the water. Of course the poor kid went inside to get the owner and when the owner comes out to view their freshly shoveled walk, they end up going on a very short and single-manned luge into the street, just when the snow plow is driving by in the government’s effort to insure that every driveway in the state is blocked.
Yes, I am referring to you and me. (Okay, not me; since we already established that I was too lazy to even bother trying in the first place. But I didn’t want you to feel lonely.) The key here is that you’re trying. You may not be succeeding, but you’re trying. And that is why you bought this book. (Unless you bought this book because you needed a last minute gift and you were about to get the Best of SNL: The Knock-Knock Jokes when the guy behind you who reminded you of the nerd in 7th grade everyone beat up told you that it was his second favorite book, just after the Lord of the Sword of the Chronicles of the Lion, the Ring and Flame series of 43 books and 12 appendixes. At that point you picked up the closest book at hand and bought that instead. Of course, since you gave it as a gift instead of reading it, I shouldn’t be blabbing this all over town. Oops.)
Where were we… Oh yes, we were about to discuss…
Discussion Questions
- Do you think this first chapter is a load of crock? Explain and bring proofs. (10 pts.)
- Do you think you will get graded on the discussion questions? (10 pts. if you answered “No”, –746 pts. if you answered “Yes”.)
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